Yesterday was not a good day. In fact, even with all the good things that happened, I wish I could find the rewind button.
I've been struggling. A lot. With things that are minor, but I make major, even though I know they're minor, then I feel bad because it could be worse, but in my mind it couldn't be (sorry for all you grammar buffs out there. I'm sure that sentence just made you cry). I don't ask for help. The explanation can be found in the first two lines of this. I know this is a problem, but I feel it will be more of a burden after I have let things fester.
My step mom just happened to be in the right place at the right time. Or maybe she thought it was the wrong place at the wrong time after I started bawling like a baby about how "I can't believe I'm almost 25 and this is where I'm at" haha! I don't know how she did it, but somehow she made me spill the beans (my coke did taste a little funny that night). She kept asking me "Well what do you want?" and all I could say is "I don't know".
Once Dad was done doing whatever it is he does when he wanders around the house, we sat down in the kitchen. He reached for the bible, and I began to smile. The reason I don't like to talk about my problems became apparent. It is because I don't use the right source to help me through them. All the troubles, fears, and worries I have seem to take me further and further away from the one with all the answers. I wish I could remember all the verses that Dad and Sue referred to, but my mind was on something else.
I had the answer to Sue's question. I wanted to feel God. I wanted to feel him like I did when I was in New Orleans. Like when I go down to the alter and place my hand on a fellow brother or sisters shoulder. I want to feel this all the time but had never been able to in my life away from the church or since LA. But as I sat there at Dad's retro kitchen table, feeling the fan hit my face because the air conditioning was broken, and listening to Scooby huffing because it was way past potty time, I did. I felt it....
When I got ready to leave Dad asked if I wanted to pray. YES PLEASE!!!! I have prayed with my father and Sue many times in that kitchen, but none compare to the prayer I heard last night. Sue said it best when she said "there is nothing like a parent's prayer". My dad prays that I am blessed SO much that I know it has to be a gift from God. Do you know how awesome it is to hear someone ask that for me? Little old me who thinks her life is over at 25, will probably never graduate college, and has a thing for little guitars? I know that our Father's love is more powerful than any other love we will experience, but last night, hearing my father's prayer for me....well I think we might have to go in to overtime :)
*DISCLAIMER 2* This is starting to get a little long and I'm sorry. If you would like to come back to the rest of it later I understand, but please come back...
I never really leave dad's house till about an hour after the first time I say it. So Scooby's huff's are now directed specifically towards me when Sue says she wants to burn me a CD. I guess I have Courtney to thank because she is the one who introduced Sue to Third Day. I have always been a music lover. I firmly believe that no matter what is going wrong or right in your life, there is a song that puts everything you feel with a rhythm. Mix God into that and it is a win win! Why I never listened to Christian music before is beyond me!
Like a good grasshopper, I listened to the CD just as directed: With headphones! The CD that I have is one of many, but with every song I thought of something.
Sing A Song made me think of Nathan, the song he sang at church, and the many others that are dancing in his head eager to get on paper and to his lips.
Mountain of God reminds me that this journey is nothing compared to what awaits us, and I need to remember that He is with me every step of the way.
The line that I can't get out of my head from Cry out to Jesus is that "He will meet you wherever you are" All you have to do is ask. I think about everyone I met in New Orleans and how strong their faith still is. They spent hours on roof tops without food and water, not knowing if their son/daughter/husband/mother was alive or not, and they wanted to pray with me.
As soon as I heard the first chords of Movin on up I immediately saw the entire worship team at FFC shouting praises (can I put in requests?)
When I heard Creed I thought of Led Zeppelin. Weird right?
After listening to the entire CD I prayed. I prayed good. Really good. I prayed for things I didn't even know I wanted to pray about. I laughed. I cried. I gave praise. LOTS OF IT.
Mountain of God
Third Day
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have led me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me
I thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But, You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me.
6 comments:
Emily, Thanks for sharing...It is such a blessing to hear this story. No one said a Christian life would be easy, but WOW it is so rewarding and full of blessings. We just have to take the time to listen to Him to see where he wants us!
First, you're only 25, stop whining! I'll be 40 in a couple of weeks! :P Second, you are so right about the blessings we have and how music can restore our hope and faith. (I need to go buy that Third Day CD, or have someone burn one for me illegally.) Third, I TOTALLY know what you're saying about the feelings/emotion/spirit missing since we got back from LA! For the first week I had it, but then I went to Ashland, OH for that class and I've fallen back (Huh, "fallen back?") into the same old routine that I was in before we went. There's something missing but, like your dad and stepmom, the Bible has all the answers. It's awesome that you found peace and focus through prayer with our Lord! :-}
I meant to say "what your dad and stepmom know and shared with you" but my brain got ahead of my fingers. Cya on Sunday at FFC!
I love you little!!! I am typing this through my tears. We are so blessed to have such a wonderful dad and step mom and that they pray for us nightly. I love you!
Great post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us - now I know specifically how I can pray for you.
You are blessed to have such a great family.
Okay...through my tears I'm trying to type this... I love all you Sebree's! Emily, you are so blessed, don't let the enemy fool you. It's easy to go to that spot though, I've been there myself. If it happens again and your dad and Sue are not around, come over here and we'll pray with you. Thanks for sharing your heart.
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